


Leave It To The Professionals

by Hans_On



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26036812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hans_On/pseuds/Hans_On
Summary: (Prompt: The tagline of the vlog is 'I Try This Shit So You Don't Have To' - an allergic reaction - a truly frightening looking picture of a molded asparagus salad.)Cas is a vlogger who eats strange things on his channel. Dean likes watching for the eye candy. Sam is the one who gets him in trouble trying this freaky shit!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	Leave It To The Professionals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovemuppet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemuppet/gifts).



> A gift for QQ :)

“I found this strangely mesmerizing ‘food’,” The vlogger uses air quotes unironically, his handsome face impassive. “at a New Age vegetarian deli on 6th and South. I was assured by the clerk it wouldn’t kill me but I’ve written a few words for my barrister should I perish after this video.”

Dean is gaping, jaw hanging as he leans forward into the laptop screen. If he fucking eats that… 

That being a gelatinous mound of white, filled with multicolored speckles, of God only knew what. When he had started Castiel’s video he had looked at the monstrosity in front of the vlogger and promptly barfed in his mouth. 

And not the playful mocking retching he made when Sam had his morning green shake but legitimate reflux of bile and the taste of his afternoon burger.

He’s missed a few seconds of what Castiel said and uses the touchpad to drag the tracker back a bit. 

“...few of the ingredients involved. Obviously asparagus, also lemon gelatin, cream cheese, mayonnaise, celery, cream of asparagus soup…”

“Oh God.” Dean pulls a face and turns away from the laptop, feeling skeeved out. He shudders, pulling off his headphones.

“What?” His outburst makes Sam look up from his own laptop, expression curious. “Finally found a type of porn you don’t like?” He gives his brother an expression of long suffering that must look so pathetic Sam stands and comes over to the other side of the table, leaning down over his shoulder. “What is this?”

“This dude I watch on YouTube sometimes - he eats weird shit when he’s high… but this time I think he’s going to die.” Dean responds, face still frozen in a grimace.

“Asparagus...salad? Isn’t that a flower mold - like the one they use for cake?” Sam’s face comes over his shoulder, squinting at the laptop. “Oh it’s like a soup jelly!”

“Why in God’s name do you sound interested!?” Dean looks at Sam like the monster he is, face astounded. “Don’t tell me you’d eat that!” Sam is scrolling with the mouse, looking at the video description telling where the food item came from and the ingredients again and he wonders if they’re even related.

“It looks like he’s about to.”

On screen, Castiel is holding a fork in his hand like a weapon and poking at the mound before him. Dean unplugs his headphones so they can both hear the catastrophe about to occur. Dean’s going to miss watching this hot dude eat strange things because there’s no way that shit isn’t toxic and deadly.

“Bon appetit.” The brunette’s head tilts a second before he digs his fork into one of the depressions in the ‘flower’ mound and pulls. A chunk comes off, pulled by the fork and falls onto the serving platter he has under it with a sick splat.

Dean makes a hacking sound and Sam pulls another chair from the spot next to him, so they are sitting side by side.

“That is unappetizing looking.” His brother says, completely serious.

“Pretty sure it’s unappetizing all a-fucking-round Sammy!” Dean barks back, afraid he’s going to make his burger reappear. Fuck, if Castiel wasn’t hot as fuck he would never watch this channel. The dude’s tagline was ‘I Try This Shit So You Don’t Have To’ and Dean never would. Ever. The dude’s eaten animal testes, “foreign delicacies” and now this shit.

While Dean was legitimately thinking about closing the window, Castiel had recaptured the escaped gelatin on his fork.

“...really does have the consistency of jello except for a bit of a firmer texture. Now, to taste.” 

Oh God… oh God! Dean watches with a kind of sick horror as the fork goes into the spread of plush pink lips. Usually about now he’d be pausing to watch how this guy sucks his food off the tines of the fork (every single time, like God he had a gorgeous mouth on him) but now Dean’s just disgusted.

Plus his brother’s right here.

Castiel’s chewing with a sort of mixed expression, his brows cutely furrowed. He swallows, seems to taste the inside of his mouth and then licks his lips with a soft hum, and that reminds Dean how these watches usually end.

Geez, now he’s got a weird chubby.

“That wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever tasted but surprisingly it wasn’t the worst. The lemon and asparagus combo is actually quite nice and the nutty flavour of the pecans is pleasant. I imagine if you actually used the garnish of additional lemon the meal comes with, you get even more of that tangy taste.” And he goes back for another forkful and sucks that off the fork too.

Dean doesn’t even hear the soft grunt he makes but then Sam turns to look at him with a suspicious squint before he gives him bitchface number #17 ‘ewwdeanwtf’.

“You’re disgusting.” His brother stands pushing the chair away from the table and swinging it back to its original spot. 

“Don’t judge me! He’s hot - when he isn’t eating things that make me wanna barf.” Dean pulls his laptop back in close to him defensively and plugs his headphones back in. He’s missed everything since the first forkful went into those sinful lips but this is the part he really likes to watch anyway.

Castiel talks about the type of weed he tried this week before he started his food review, Sky OG, and the effect it’s having on him. Dean imagines he’s usually a very put together and proper dude and honestly, apart from an increasing talkativeness and a more fervent energy than he usually has, Castiel seems mostly unaffected.

He switches to his munchies food and that’s when Dean very politely exits to his bedroom with the laptop, giving Sam the finger as he makes a face at him.

~

“Ha, ha. No. Fuck you Sammy.”

“I only bought a half one. Come on… I’ll eat most of it - you just have one bite. One!” Sam is following him around with a food container that Dean would usually expect to hold pie or cake. 

That makes the disgustingness of the surprise inside even more of a betrayal on Sammy’s part. 

Dean retches dramatically, body shaking with it. “Fuck no!”

“Dude… we can make a reply video to that guy you watch.” Sam wheedles and Dean hates that he pauses then.

“A live response?” Dean ponders for a second. “I mean literally, one tiny ass bite and you eat the rest of it to impress him.” Sam grins at him and the deal is set.

It should only take a half hour tops to set up Sam’s cellphone to record the container in front of the two chairs they’ve pushed together plus change clothes to clean up a bit to look nice on the internet… but Dean dawdles, changes his shirt three times, decides to put some mousse in his hair.

By the time they set up Sam’s sick of him and Dean’s a nervous wreck trying to get out of frame, because this was a bad idea. What were the chances Castiel would care about two guys giving a video response to his food review? Why were they doing this?

They weren’t even high!

“Hi internet. I’m Sam, this is my brother Dean.” He gives a sickly smile when Sammy nudges him and waves like a fucking nerd. “We’re giving the asparagus molded salad a try! I’m really into trying new ways to eat vegetables...I usually do shakes and I’m really curious about this because it seems to me like an interesting medium…”

There is no script and Sam rambles on while Dean smiles and swallows and jiggles his foot.

By the time Sam gets to the eating, Dean’s ready to chicken out.

“Okay so my brother’s more of a burger kind of guy but I got him to agree to one bite for science.” Dean grimaces and makes a face before he remembers the internet is watching and hitches the fake smile back on. “We were watching the video that Castiel made and honestly it was amazing…”

Dean gets sick of Sam yapping about two minutes later and rolls his eyes. “Oh for God’s sake!” He picks up his fork, stabs the monstrosity that’s been sitting in front of them and sticks the entire glob he’d managed to get off into his mouth.

He chews furiously, trying to get to swallowing quickly, but it is like jello and he twists his face into misery before just going for it, tilting his head back and taking it down. Dean makes a face at Sam’s phone, where their stream is going out and sticks his tongue out.

“Done.”

“Jesus Dean. You’re disgusting. You really couldn’t wait two -” Dean is out.

“You can do the rest of this yourself. Nice meet you all! Ha.” Dean waves himself off and pushes off his chair, leaving their little ‘set’. Sam puts on his most polite, winning smile and continues his stream, eating the disgusting shit and talking about it as he eats like he enjoys it.

Dean watches from the kitchen table with a moue of disgust. Ugh, it wasn’t even that it was vegetable. There was some weird lemony aftertaste and Dean smacks his lips, rubbing his tongue on the roof of his mouth. His mouth tasted weird.

“...kind of like a dinner casserole but in a dessert format…” Was sasquatch still talking? Jesus.

It’s only a few minutes later when his skin starts to itch that Dean wonders about what was in the damned salad. 

“Sam.” Dean stage whispers it, coming to stand next to the computer desk they had set up at, where the cellphone can’t catch him. His brother flicks his eyes up, gives a camera worthy grin and tilts his head in a questioning way.

Dean gestures at himself dramatically and when Sam only squints, points at his face. Where he’s feeling hot-skinned and itchy and he doesn’t need to see to know he’s starting to get hives.

“Oh God! Oh! Oh shit.” Sam scrambles back from the computer desk and fumbles for his phone. “Sorry. Got to go! Dean’s allergic to something in the salad!”

And suddenly they’re a part of internet legend.

~

They see they have a response to their video about two days later when things calm down.

Dean had to go to the E.R after his Epipen shot. They had returned home ‘late’ in the morning and not thought about the video they put up. Sam had dumped the little bit of the nut-inclusive nastiness that had been left on the desk and they had forgotten it all.

Until Dean goes to watch the bi-weekly review and sees there’s a response to their video response. And it’s private.

It’s Castiel and it’s only forty-seven seconds but it makes Dean’s week. Almost makes it worth it.

He’s shirtless, the sex hair is even more fucked than usual and Castiel has a tiny smile on, hint of white teeth behind his beautiful lips. He’s against his usual backdrop but he looks casual and unbearably sexy.

“Hello Sam and Dean. I’m hoping this finds you both safe. There’s a reason why I say I try this stuff so you don’t have to and a lot of that is because I have a constitution for food and alcohol to be envied.” Castiel says matter-of-factly and it’s true as his video history proves. “Obviously you may not have been able to indulge in weed but that helps too.” Cas’ smile is sly and it stokes something hot in his stomach that makes Dean fidget and try to ignore his inflating arousal.

“Sam, your views on the asparagus salad were truly thought-provoking and I do suppose that finding new ways of enjoying everyday foods do make inventiveness necessary. Dean, I hope you’ve recovered from your allergy. Swelling of the oesophagus and anaphylactic shock is quite dangerous. It would truly be a shame if someone so handsome with such talent for swallowing was lost to us.” The heavy pause is enough to make Dean swoon. 

Apparently he had really paid attention to Dean’s technique. And did he mean ‘us’ in general or ‘us’ as in the gay community? Or maybe specifically him.

“Best to leave trying the strange foods to the professionals.” With that, a fucking springroll enters the picture and Dean is left whimpering as Castiel gives it a loving suck before popping it into his mouth and chewing. “But I very much enjoyed your video. Thank you.”

Dean is coming so fucking hard in minutes that by the time he gets to the new food review he’s just watching Castiel eating, soaking in afterglow. It’s Hakarl this week, some kind of fermented and dried fish. Ugh.

Well shit. Time to leave a video response.


End file.
